Five Days to Chemo: Facing Fear, Finding Faith
I’m five days away from starting chemotherapy. I’ve
read and watched numerous videos, but I still feel anxious. Strangely, I even
felt anxious last night about starting this blog.
Sharing something as personal as my journey with cancer
stirs up mixed emotions. Putting my thoughts, fears, and faith out into the
world makes me feel vulnerable.
Here’s what’s been on my mind:
- Fear of Judgment – Will people
understand what I’m going through. How will they react?
- Reality Setting In – Writing
things down makes them feel more real, which can be hard to process.
- Loss of Control – Once I share
something, I can’t take it back. That’s unsettling.
- Expectation Pressure – Now that
I’ve started, will I feel obligated to keep posting?
But here’s the thing—this blog is for me first. It’s a
space to express my thoughts, process my emotions, and document this journey in
my own way. Maybe feeling anxious about it is normal. In a situation where I
have little control... writing, brings back a little control.
If sharing my experience eases someone else’s anxiety,
then it’s worth it. I didn’t expect to feel this way after posting, but it
tells me this journey matters. Acknowledging these feelings might even be part
of the healing process.
Three scriptures have brought me comfort in
difficult times:
The first is Isaiah 40:31:
“…but those who hope in the Lord will renew their
strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not be weary,
they will walk and not be faint.”
This verse reminds me that if I put my faith in God, He
will guide me.
The second is John 20:29:
“Because you have seen me, you have believed;
blessed are those who have not seen and yet believed.”
Faith isn’t about proof; it’s a deep belief in God and
something greater beyond this life. Think of those who push forward despite
impossible odds—that’s faith in action.
The third is Isaiah 43:18-19:
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the
past. See what I do for you now! I am giving you a road thru the wilderness,
and streams of water there.”
It’s easy to get stuck in the past—we see it daily in
society, social media, and politics. Learning from the past is one thing, but
dwelling on it is its own kind of cancer.
This journey won’t be easy, and others before me have
undergone incredible hardships dealing with this disease and have endured. I
believe faith and forward movement are the keys to getting through it.
Until tomorrow…
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